My Mom Has Cancer

My mom has cancer.  Even to type the title of this post seems so surreal.  She was diagnosed three weeks ago and it still doesn't seem like it could be real.  It's breast cancer and she is going in tomorrow for surgery.  Once she has her surgery the doctors will know what stage her cancer is and whats next.  So for three weeks its just been a waiting game and we are all so on edge.

When the doctor first told her he wanted to do a biopsy and test her for cancer he told her not to worry.  He said that he didn't think it was cancer and that 70% of people that have a mass like hers don't have cancer.  Then she finds out that she has two masses and both are cancer and one has broken out of the cell wall and is invasive.  We are just hoping it has not spread to her lymph nodes.

I'm just in shock.  And sick.  And panicked.  And really just about every emotion in between.  It's like, how do you be strong for someone else when you can't even be strong for yourself?  My mom and I were talking on the phone this morning and she starts telling me that she put tags on all the Christmas presents and these presents are in this closet and birthday presents are in this closet and if she isn't here for Christmas please distribute the gifts.  And in my head I know that is crazy talk but its hard to not go there sometimes.  And of course I got mad at her and told her to stay positive but I think she's having a hard time not going there too.

It will be better once we actually know what stage her cancer is and what is next.  Then we will know for sure and our minds can stop going to the worst possible scenario.  It's still scary though.  Cancer is scary, surgery is scary, the unknown is just scary.