The decision to have another baby was one that I have been struggling with since the day Nathan was born. Don't get me wrong, Nathan has been the biggest blessing in our lives and we are so thankful for him but it was not easy.
Pregnancy doesn't agree with me, and that is an understatement. With Nathan I was so sick and exhausted until I was about 16 weeks pregnant, felt better for a few weeks, and then the swelling set in. I swelled in my hands, face, and feet to the point where I couldn't even close my hands into a fist. Then my blood pressure rose and I felt terrible. At 41 weeks the doctors let me get induced and Nathan hadn't even started dropping. I was in labor for almost 20 hours and pushed for three. By the time Nathan got here I was exhausted.
Because I struggled so much with labor I really struggled with recovery. I didn't start feeling like myself until Nathan was about eight weeks old. And Nathan had colic so bad and would cry for most of the day and night. I remember one day in particular Matt got off work early and came home to find Nathan and I on the floor of his bedroom crying together. I remember between sobs asking Matt if he would be okay if we didn't have another baby. I just didn't know if I could do it again.
Of course Nathan grew out of colic by about 12 weeks and became such an easy and wonderful baby and I knew the Lord was watching over us, especially me and blessing us. I loved being a mom and enjoyed Nathan so much. So when Nathan started having seizures we tried to really focus on having the Lord get us through but some days got so hard.
So when the promptings started last summer that another spirit needed to join our family Matt and I were extremely hesitant to listen. I wanted a sibling for Nathan but not yet. We wanted to wait, we wanted to get a handle on our current situation, and we knew we couldn't take on much more. And then there was a day at the end of August right after Nathan had two seizures that caused him to stop breathing. I was driving home from work when the prompting of another baby hit me like a ton of bricks and I started to cry.
I felt so weak and so beaten. I told the Lord that I was not strong enough to do what he had asked and that I needed his help. I told him that I couldn't have another baby until Nathan's seizures were under control and until our financial situation had been resolved. I felt such a calm presence and I knew the Lord would help me.
Two days later Nathan's doctor agreed to switch his medication and that was the end of the seizures. My parents agreed to let us move into their house to be able to pay off Nathan's medical bills. Things were going great and we were on track again. And in January the promptings began to hit hard again. Matt and I knew how much we were being blessed and while we were a little apprehensive we took a leap of faith and decided to start trying.
Just a few days before we found out we were pregnant Matt and I were both given promotions and raises at work. This was not a coincidence. When we got the positive pregnancy test we felt such peace and comfort and knew we had made the right choice. Every single thing I had asked the Lord for he had provided and he had given us so much more. I know this new baby will be such a blessing for our family and I am so grateful for the spiritual experience that this decision has been.