Life lately has been good, really good. I feel like the turmoil that has been the last six months is mellowing down and we are starting to get back some sense of normalcy. Here are the main things that have been going on lately.
My mom finished chemo last month which was HUGE! She did so amazing and was able to finish all 8 rounds on time. The last four treatments were pretty rough on her but she made it through. She started radiation last week and it seems to be going much better than the chemo. She will be done in four weeks and we are all so excited for her.
Matt has been so busy lately. Between getting the trailers and machines ready before we went to Topaz to building the side by side with his dad to all of the things that need work at our house he has been absolutely slammed. The people we bought our house from let the backyard grow wild and Matt has spent many nights out there cutting down weeds and pulling out dead bushes and trying to get the grass to grow back. He has done a great job and I'm so glad he takes care of all the yard work.
Nathan is growing up more and more each day. He's causing less trouble and amazing us with how independent he can be. Nathan loves making his own decisions and is so good about getting himself ready in the morning and at night. I feel like my job with him is getting so much easier. He has always loved music but lately he is obsessed with the radio! I swear he knows 90% of the songs that play and sings his heart out whenever we are in the car. He is going to preschool at daycare now and is doing fantastic. Nathan seems to do much better when he is focused on something so we are going to put him in swimming lessons this summer.
Logan has definitely been the more difficult child as of late. A lot of that has attributed to how much he has been sick this winter! Stomach flu twice, croup three times, four year infections and cold after cold after cold. I can't complain too much because he has handled it really well but it still isn't fun to have a sick kid. Logan has become a toddler through and through and loves to see how much mischief he can get into before we notice. Logan has worried us the past few months because he isn't learning how to talk and at his 18 month appointment his doctor recommended we get him tested to see if he needs extra help. He had his evaluation this week and qualified for the program so a speech therapist is going to come to our house twice a month to work with him. They are also going to test his hearing in a few weeks to make sure everything is all good. I'm so glad he qualified to get this help and that his doctor encouraged us to do this now.
Things with me are all of the sudden so much better! I finished up a huge project for work that I have been working on since last fall and has pretty much occupied my life. I finished it up last week, turned it in and can now go back to just doing my regular job. My stress levels are so much better my headaches are gone and overall I feel so much better. So glad that it's over!
Matt and I are getting ready to go on a camping trip without the kids! It will be the first time we have gone by ourselves ever and we are so excited. It is way past due and we are excited to get to spend the time together. My sweet sister Brittany is going to keep the kids for us and Nathan is already so excited he keeps asking when he gets to go.
That is about it. I'm so glad I got the project finished at work before summer hit so now I can just focus on enjoying it with my boys. Our pool passes are purchased, our camping trips are planned and I think it is going be an awesome summer.
Friday, May 22, 2015
Friday, April 10, 2015
Moments
I'm having a hard time blogging lately and I'm thinking its because I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around what I have been feeling lately. On one hand there is a lot of stress and fear and worry going on about my mom. There has been so much stress with work that I have to keep reminding myself that it's not appropriate to break down and start crying, at least not while you are at work. And then the regular challenges with kids, family, church, trying to keep the house sort of clean, etc. But on the other hand there is so much joy and happiness and feeling blessed that my mom is getting cancer treatment, grateful for the new role and experiences I'm having at work, happy to just be silly with my family. What can I say, I've been a little bit of a basket case.
I know that it's not always going to be like this. Trials come and go, I will get a handle on work, the house will eventually get cleaned, etc. But at the same time my kids are not always going to be like this either. My boys are not always going to follow me around crying to be held, or begging me to watch Ninja Turtles or sneaking into my room early on Saturday mornings to try and get in bed with us.
Even though life has been so chaotic it's also been really good. One good thing about my mom's cancer is that we have all learned to enjoy the moments and to not always look at the big picture. The moments that are so good make going through the tough times worth it. I swear we really have been having fun! And one day (hopefully soon) I will get back to blogging but for now I'm just focusing on the moments.
I know that it's not always going to be like this. Trials come and go, I will get a handle on work, the house will eventually get cleaned, etc. But at the same time my kids are not always going to be like this either. My boys are not always going to follow me around crying to be held, or begging me to watch Ninja Turtles or sneaking into my room early on Saturday mornings to try and get in bed with us.
Even though life has been so chaotic it's also been really good. One good thing about my mom's cancer is that we have all learned to enjoy the moments and to not always look at the big picture. The moments that are so good make going through the tough times worth it. I swear we really have been having fun! And one day (hopefully soon) I will get back to blogging but for now I'm just focusing on the moments.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
2015
As it is January 15th I totally know that I am behind the game with the whole new years resolution stuff. What can I say, the last two months have been pretty much out of control. But hey, my kids did get fed everyday and we made it to work most days and my house doesn't look like a nuclear explosion went off so I'm counting the past two months as a success.
2015 is going to be nuts, I can just feel it. I feel so unsettled and nervous and anxious for this next year. This last fall was really calm, like way too easy and I swear its the Lord prepping you for the storm. My mom's cancer has shaken us up in a way that I can't really describe. She did pretty well with her first treatment but just needs a lot of help. Between helping care for her, chasing two toddlers, a new calling at church, Matt's calling and work going nutty it is kind of a lot spinning around right now.
And on top of those things Matt and I are talking about making a pretty big and scary change for our family. He is jazzed, I'm terrified and the kids screaming and hollering every time we try to discuss it is only adding to my anxiety. But that's okay, it should be a good change, just a scary one.
As I have been thinking about new years resolutions over the past two weeks the obvious goals keep coming up like don't tell your coworkers to get hit by a bus or limit panic attacks to twice a week or don't quit your job. But then I decided I should really just focus on goals to help me get through all the changes going on this year. I'm keeping them so basic and easy in hopes that they will actually help this year go better. So here we go, 2015 resolutions.
2015 is going to be nuts, I can just feel it. I feel so unsettled and nervous and anxious for this next year. This last fall was really calm, like way too easy and I swear its the Lord prepping you for the storm. My mom's cancer has shaken us up in a way that I can't really describe. She did pretty well with her first treatment but just needs a lot of help. Between helping care for her, chasing two toddlers, a new calling at church, Matt's calling and work going nutty it is kind of a lot spinning around right now.
And on top of those things Matt and I are talking about making a pretty big and scary change for our family. He is jazzed, I'm terrified and the kids screaming and hollering every time we try to discuss it is only adding to my anxiety. But that's okay, it should be a good change, just a scary one.
As I have been thinking about new years resolutions over the past two weeks the obvious goals keep coming up like don't tell your coworkers to get hit by a bus or limit panic attacks to twice a week or don't quit your job. But then I decided I should really just focus on goals to help me get through all the changes going on this year. I'm keeping them so basic and easy in hopes that they will actually help this year go better. So here we go, 2015 resolutions.
- Attend the temple four times this year. (Don't judge, baby steps right?)
- Read the entire Book of Mormon
- Exercise
- Make a Shutterfly book of our Disneyland pictures
- Put my phone away when I'm spending time with the kids
- Get a babysitter and go on a date with Matt at least every other month
- Take time for myself each week
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Mom Cancer Update #2
Well I guess it's time for another update on my mom. She met with her oncologist last Friday to set out her cancer treatment plan and it actually went really well. The doctor decided to put my mom on an aggressive cancer treatment plan as long as her heart was strong enough. So this means that she will do 8 chemo sessions over 16 weeks which means four months of chemo instead of six! After that she will do radiation five days a week for five weeks and then finally she would do a pill for five years.
So my mom went for a heart scan on Monday and everything looks really good. She had a chemo class last night and this morning she went in early to get her port put in. After the port is in they will send her to the infusion center to get her first round of chemo.
My mom is doing actually really amazing all things considered. She is feeling so much better from her surgery and the past week or so she has been up and doing so much more than she had the first three weeks. She has had a really good attitude too. Emily and I went with her to pick out a wig last week and Emily got her a couple of hats to wear too. My mom has been getting really nervous the last couple of days so its good that they were able to start her treatments today. She keeps saying that after today she will only have seven treatments left and I think she is just relieved to not be waiting anymore.
The good news too is that my mom loves her oncologist. The doctor has prescribed her a ton of nausea medication and given her a ton of tips for dealing with the chemo symptoms. We will see how she actually reacts to the chemo over the next couple of days but she has done really well with coming to terms with everything.
So my mom went for a heart scan on Monday and everything looks really good. She had a chemo class last night and this morning she went in early to get her port put in. After the port is in they will send her to the infusion center to get her first round of chemo.
My mom is doing actually really amazing all things considered. She is feeling so much better from her surgery and the past week or so she has been up and doing so much more than she had the first three weeks. She has had a really good attitude too. Emily and I went with her to pick out a wig last week and Emily got her a couple of hats to wear too. My mom has been getting really nervous the last couple of days so its good that they were able to start her treatments today. She keeps saying that after today she will only have seven treatments left and I think she is just relieved to not be waiting anymore.
The good news too is that my mom loves her oncologist. The doctor has prescribed her a ton of nausea medication and given her a ton of tips for dealing with the chemo symptoms. We will see how she actually reacts to the chemo over the next couple of days but she has done really well with coming to terms with everything.
Friday, December 12, 2014
Mom Cancer Update
I thought I would do an update on my mom. So she had a mastectomy on Tuesday and as far as the surgery part it went really well. She had to be at the hospital at 8:00 in the morning and they injected dye into her breast to help determine if the cancer had spread. Then she and my dad waited until almost 2:00 when they were finally ready to take her back to surgery. The surgery went good but was long and she didn't get out of surgery until about 6:00 that night. So it was a super long day for her.
I think I mentioned in my last post that we were hoping the cancer had not spread and that she could just do hormone therapy instead of chemo. Well the bad part is that they did found cancer in her lymph nodes. Not good. They removed three and tested them while she was in surgery and found the cancer so they then removed 22 additional lymph nodes to test and see if the cancer had spread even farther.
My mom's surgeon pretty much sucked and was not very supportive to my mom or optimistic about the test results. My poor mom. Here she had just undergone massive surgery and then told that things were even worse than the doctor had originally thought. They told my mom to plan on six months of chemo, radiation and then hormone therapy. My poor mom was devastated by the bad news.
Luckily she got to go home Wednesday afternoon and my dad had all of Wednesday off and could stay with her. My younger sister, Brittany took off Thursday and today so she has had someone with her every day. She is definitely a trooper and is doing better than expected but she has been really discouraged.
So she got a call this morning with her test results and out of the 22 lymph nodes that were removed and tested only three came back with cancer cells. The doctor said that was a great prognosis and that her chances to beat this are really good. It may have spread a little but with chemo and radiation they should be able to get rid of all the cancer. So she is at a Stage 2 cancer and will start chemo treatments in four weeks after she has recovered from the surgery.
It still sucks that she will have to go through cancer treatment but she is feeling so much better knowing that the cancer has not spread through her body. When she called to tell me the news she was just crying because she was so relieved and happy. Even though the situation is not great it could be so much worse and we are all just grateful for the situation that we have. It is so much better to know what you are actually up against and have a game plan. I will keep updating on my blog about her cancer when we know more.
I think I mentioned in my last post that we were hoping the cancer had not spread and that she could just do hormone therapy instead of chemo. Well the bad part is that they did found cancer in her lymph nodes. Not good. They removed three and tested them while she was in surgery and found the cancer so they then removed 22 additional lymph nodes to test and see if the cancer had spread even farther.
My mom's surgeon pretty much sucked and was not very supportive to my mom or optimistic about the test results. My poor mom. Here she had just undergone massive surgery and then told that things were even worse than the doctor had originally thought. They told my mom to plan on six months of chemo, radiation and then hormone therapy. My poor mom was devastated by the bad news.
Luckily she got to go home Wednesday afternoon and my dad had all of Wednesday off and could stay with her. My younger sister, Brittany took off Thursday and today so she has had someone with her every day. She is definitely a trooper and is doing better than expected but she has been really discouraged.
So she got a call this morning with her test results and out of the 22 lymph nodes that were removed and tested only three came back with cancer cells. The doctor said that was a great prognosis and that her chances to beat this are really good. It may have spread a little but with chemo and radiation they should be able to get rid of all the cancer. So she is at a Stage 2 cancer and will start chemo treatments in four weeks after she has recovered from the surgery.
It still sucks that she will have to go through cancer treatment but she is feeling so much better knowing that the cancer has not spread through her body. When she called to tell me the news she was just crying because she was so relieved and happy. Even though the situation is not great it could be so much worse and we are all just grateful for the situation that we have. It is so much better to know what you are actually up against and have a game plan. I will keep updating on my blog about her cancer when we know more.
Monday, December 8, 2014
My Mom Has Cancer
My mom has cancer. Even to type the title of this post seems so surreal. She was diagnosed three weeks ago and it still doesn't seem like it could be real. It's breast cancer and she is going in tomorrow for surgery. Once she has her surgery the doctors will know what stage her cancer is and whats next. So for three weeks its just been a waiting game and we are all so on edge.
When the doctor first told her he wanted to do a biopsy and test her for cancer he told her not to worry. He said that he didn't think it was cancer and that 70% of people that have a mass like hers don't have cancer. Then she finds out that she has two masses and both are cancer and one has broken out of the cell wall and is invasive. We are just hoping it has not spread to her lymph nodes.
I'm just in shock. And sick. And panicked. And really just about every emotion in between. It's like, how do you be strong for someone else when you can't even be strong for yourself? My mom and I were talking on the phone this morning and she starts telling me that she put tags on all the Christmas presents and these presents are in this closet and birthday presents are in this closet and if she isn't here for Christmas please distribute the gifts. And in my head I know that is crazy talk but its hard to not go there sometimes. And of course I got mad at her and told her to stay positive but I think she's having a hard time not going there too.
It will be better once we actually know what stage her cancer is and what is next. Then we will know for sure and our minds can stop going to the worst possible scenario. It's still scary though. Cancer is scary, surgery is scary, the unknown is just scary.
When the doctor first told her he wanted to do a biopsy and test her for cancer he told her not to worry. He said that he didn't think it was cancer and that 70% of people that have a mass like hers don't have cancer. Then she finds out that she has two masses and both are cancer and one has broken out of the cell wall and is invasive. We are just hoping it has not spread to her lymph nodes.
I'm just in shock. And sick. And panicked. And really just about every emotion in between. It's like, how do you be strong for someone else when you can't even be strong for yourself? My mom and I were talking on the phone this morning and she starts telling me that she put tags on all the Christmas presents and these presents are in this closet and birthday presents are in this closet and if she isn't here for Christmas please distribute the gifts. And in my head I know that is crazy talk but its hard to not go there sometimes. And of course I got mad at her and told her to stay positive but I think she's having a hard time not going there too.
It will be better once we actually know what stage her cancer is and what is next. Then we will know for sure and our minds can stop going to the worst possible scenario. It's still scary though. Cancer is scary, surgery is scary, the unknown is just scary.
Monday, December 1, 2014
Nathan's Birthday
To infinity and beyond!
Fire and Rescue (Fireman's Rescue as Nathan calls it)
His favorite present was the ninja turtle
We had Nathan's birthday party that following Saturday and our families came again to celebrate with us. Originally Nathan wanted a Dusty Crophopper party, then it was Ninja Turtles and a week before the party he insisted that it needed to be a Cars party. Lucky for me because I had saved all the decorations from his cars party two years ago and so I just pulled everything back out. Matt and I wanted to make the cake and found a tutorial for an awesome cars cake and everything just came together.
My handsome little three year old with his presents
Trying on his Fireman's Rescue shirt
Celebrating Nathan's birthday was so fun because he was so excited about it. It was all he could talk about and just loved having everyone come over and celebrate with him. He sang Happy Birthday to himself and blew out the candle all by himself. Nathan was all smiles all day and I'm glad he had so much fun at his party. Here's to another year with you kiddo, I love you more every day!
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